you got me fu*ked up.

Go back to where it started. To the beginning, the very first time you realized ‘they had you fucked up’. Now go one step deeper to where you had yourself fucked up and got wrapped in a cycle. Be willing to see the part you played in your own life choices.

Don’t stop at accountability- go on ‘head, baby. Feel that burn. Maybe it’s guilt, resentment, shame, sadness, anger, pressure, stress, etc. Honor the emotions as they arise.

Where do you feel it? Put a name to what you’re feeling and where you’re feeling it. Maybe in your tummy, maybe in your heart center, maybe somethings is stuck in your throat or maybe its in your mind causing headaches.

Now, do not- I repeat do not self loathe and woe-is-me for too long. You’re not a victim. In this moment of giving yourself a chance to feel everything that comes up - you’re the victor! Whether you played along in the cycle because you didn’t know better, or perhaps because it’s all you knew, or maybe it was how you were taught to manage your life- don’t judge anything, do not judge yourself. Just lean into it all and feel where the discomfort lies.

Now you know what you know and you’ve seen what there is to see- and you’re feeling all that arises. This is your act of honor. A walk down the road to recovery from anything or anyone that wrecked, ravaged or caused chaos and destruction. The journey is sometimes paved with pain, some tears, some bad days but always a victory at its completion and its release!

Yes, that’s right - release. This is where it can get tricky, sticky and icky. But you can do it! Give yourself permission to make a change. Submit to yourself, not to the pain. Submit to your healing, not to your sorrows. Let. it. go.

Know that it’s within you to make a change. Play a new part, on a different stage, with a new cast and scenes. Change sure can be funky, yet once the ball begins to roll- it’s showtime to the next best version of yourself!

There are so many reasons we do not interrupt cycles that do not work for us, yet there are so many reasons to try. Sandwiched between where we are and where we want to be requires something deep. It requires a knowing, an innerstanding, a healing. It’s gonna take some reckoning, some onnus, some realness. It’s gonna take a huge dose of humility, faith and courage.

You have everything you need to get to where you are going. Get to it. Heal thyself. The world is waiting for your light.

May it shine bright af.

Reflective Journal Prompts:
1. What do I love most about myself? 

2. Which area(s) of my life do I feel most successful? Why?

3. Which area(s) of my life do I want to improve? What can I do to work on it? 

4. What is my current self-care routine? Is it meeting my needs? 

Affirmations:

I am deserving of everything I desire.
I learn from mistakes.
I love myself.
I embrace new beginnings
I am valuable.